Another Saturday Night
by Dorothy Ann
Summary: Ever wonder what Logan REALLY does on Saturday Nights? Serious Logan bashing, with appearances by Max and Alec. Please read and review if you think its funny! M/A
1. Default Chapter

Author's note: I wrote this because I was bored and Logan really bugs me. This is how I think he actually acts when no one is around. I can't tell if the story is dumb or funny or a little bit of both. Please review if you read it! Thanks!

  
  


Disclaimer: Kiss my ass Fox!

  
  
  
  


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It was just another late Saturday night. Logan Cale sat in front of his computer, as he always did every single night. 'Wow, I really need to get out more.' He thought to himself staring down at the claw-like shape his fingers were starting to become from all the typing. He pushed himself away from the computer and went and stood in front of his full length mirror. 

  
  


"Yes Logan Cale." He said to his reflection, "You are still a fine, fine specimen of a man." Logan peeled off his shirt and sucked in his gut, while flexing his arms. Staring at the thick field of hairs covering his chest he decided that he should take off the rest of his clothes. Soon Logan was wearing only his exoskeleton. "Damn I'm sexy!" Logan remembered that he had sent Max out on a mission, so she shouldn't be back for another hour. "Well, Sir Cale," he said looking at himself again, "It's about time we celebrate your hotness!"

  
  


Logan walked into his kitchen and poured himself a glass of his finest pre-pulse wine. "Ah, Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?" He said to the glass, since that was the only French saying he knew, and saying something French just seemed appropriate at the time. He then laughed at himself for being so clever and brilliant, though it came out as more of a little girl giggle, since he really had no experience in actually laughing. He preferred to be more of the brooding type, since women seemed to think that was sexy. Although, he really wasn't good at brooding either, it all just came off as him being boring and pissed off.

  
  


"Hmmm." Logan turned around to look at his backside. "Nope, there's no stick up my ass." Logan decided after a careful inspection. He then giggled again at Alec for being so silly. Of course he always wore pants when he went outside! How was he supposed to get a stick up there? Why would Alec say that he had a stick up his ass? Alec could be so dumb sometimes! "Hehehehehehehehe, hehehehehehehe, silly Alec!"

  
  


Logan then realized that he had been standing still, giggling for the past ten minutes, and a fly had landed and died in his wine during that time. "Oh well!" Logan yelled dumping his wine down the sink. He then skipped off to his bathroom since it seemed like the appropriate thing to do at the time and grabbed his economy size jar of Vaseline, then he walked back out into his living room to turn on some music. "Hit me baby one more time! Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know, that something wasn't right here? Oh baby baby, I shouldn't have let you go...." Logan squealed out in his highest voice, trying to ignore the sound of the barking dogs from the floor below him. 'I am definitely going to try out for the next American Idol.' Logan decided. He then opened the bottle of Vaseline and started smearing it all over his body. He always felt a little more special when he was shiny, kind of like a gooey sticky Christmas ornament. When he was all lathered up, he started singing and dancing again to the music. "Show me how you want it to be, tell me baby cause I need to know......."

  
  


"Holy Shit Logan! What the hell are you doing?" Logan immediately stopped singing and spun around to see Alec who had entered the apartment through an open window.

  
  


"Ummm........err.......I know this looks bad Alec, but I have a perfectly reasonable explanation for this......I uh......was taking a......ummm...." Logan stuttered, trying to think of something witty and clever like he always did, but right now he couldn't think of anything.

  
  


"Hey, whatever man! No explanation needed. I always knew you weren't all there upstairs, but damn! You are a true freak!"

  
  


"Thanks Alec!" Logan said, almost certain that Alec meant freak in the good way.

  
  


"I just came over to pick up some stuff I left here a week ago, but it can wait." Then Alec took off his shirt, just to remind the readers (as if they'd ever forget!) that he was still and would always be much hotter than Logan. He looked to the ground to pout for a moment that he didn't get a story written about his Saturday night.

  
  


"Look Alec! I don't have a stick up my ass." Logan said turning around so the younger man could see his backside. "Nor did anything crawl up it and die. Hehehehehehe!" Logan giggled to himself for finally proving Alec wrong.

  
  


"Uhh, yah man, that's real nice." Alec said uncomfortably. "Are You High? No wait, I really don't care. So, I'm gonna go now." And with that Alec leapt back out of the open window, not wanting to stay in a room with Logan's bare ass for another second.

  
  


Logan sighed, already missing Alec's company, and walked over to his computer. He clicked on a file labeled 'top secret' and again admired how genius he was for disguising the file with such a brilliant name. Logan smiled as the naked pictures he had taken of Max without her knowing while she was taking a shower at his place slowly started to load onto his computer. While he waited for the pictures he picked up a permanent marker off his desk and drew a smiley face on his stomach using his belly button as the nose. Finally he started to click through the pictures, while singing along with his CD that was still playing.

  
  


"You have naked pictures of me!!!" Max squealed from behind him.

  
  


"Uh-oh." Logan spun around to face a furious Max. "Umm, I can explain....I was just....see....you......err....." Logan was amazed that this was the second time this evening he couldn't come up with something brilliant to say.

  
  


"You ass-hole!!!" Max spat, lunging forward and punching him across the face, knocking him to the floor. The virus took effect then and instantly killed him. Even though he was dead, Max couldn't help but smile at how small his package was, and was glad that her question of why Logan was always so shiny had finally been answered. Suddenly Alec appeared at Max's side. He took her hand and they stepped over the body, walking off into the night together.

The End


	2. Author's note

I realize that no one will probably ever read this.  But I received Dark Angel season one on DVD a few weeks ago.  And you know, from watching them, I realized that I really do love season one Logan.  I still hate season 2 Logan, and I really love Alec.  But, I remembered this story I wrote about a year ago, and I just want to apologize to Logan for this story.  You really aren't all that bad.


End file.
